I sometimes think about my kids, I mean really think about them and how much I love them. I don't think I ever really knew love until my kids came along. And I worry sometimes that I am doing a good job at bringing them up. I wonder if I'm being a good enough role model, I wonder if I'm making the right decisions for them, I wonder if I'm as good of a parent as mine were. We went to church this morning and I saw a mom with her kids and I thought, wow, she is a really good mom. And then I start thinking, am I a good mom? I don't know, I mean I think I am but what if I'm missing something that won't show up until later? One of the things I most worry about is the kids straying from God. I have seen first hand at how my prayers have been answered and I know He has this awesome plan for each one of us. I have learned to just give my days, give my life to Him and trust Him with everything I have because He has the blueprint on us. I just hope to somehow relate that to my kids as they grow up. I talk to my mom and dad several times a week and I guess they worried too, just as I do. And I turned out okay. So maybe I need to remind myself of that when I start thinking too much.

It's a crazy thing to worry about, I know. But I do sometimes. I wonder if they will call me in 20 years when they have their own kids and say the same thing to me? If they do, I'll probably have the answer.

I just can't wear that headlight any longer...

From a previous post, I was wearing my own personal headlight my bh would make me wear so drivers would see me running in the dark. It has gone okay but I am tired of fighting the snow, ice and cold. There is no pleasure in dodging tiny ice pellets from cars passing by. I have retired the headlight for a more pleasant run during this time of year. It's called treadmill. My bh and I joined a health club. This one is new and different from the rest. It's called Anytime Fitness...open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Perfect for our sometimes chaotic schedule. My bh can go relieve some stress at 3 in the morning if he prefers. I like going in the daylight while my kids are at school or practices. Don't get me wrong, I prefer running outdoors, listening to my MP3 player loaded with praise songs but there is something to be said about, well, warmth. I'm not too keen on the cold air frosting my lips. So I'll do my miles on a treadmill for awhile, still listening to my praise music and still talking to God while I run. I forget about the people next to me at times...but who cares?! Maybe they'll start talking to God while they run too...

I talked to my brother today on the phone. We usually talk every other week or so, just to catch up and say hi. And everytime I hang up with him, I instantly feel happy. Brian is my only sibling and I must say, I am lucky to have him. He's 3 years older than and we have always been close but it seems we have gotten closer in different ways over the years. He has always lived far from us. But sometimes I think that's a cool thing because when we get together for our yearly visits, it is that much sweeter. I wish you could know Brian. He's more than just a brother, he's a friend. It's funny...he lives in Chicago, we live in SD and it seems like it is so much closer. Brian and his wife have 3 kids...12, 9, and their girl is 7. Just like our kids. So you can imagine when we do get together it's like one big party. We all look foward to flying out every year and spending a week just hanging out, playing, touring zoos, cheering on the Cubs and Bears and being together. I think about Brian a lot and how some people have a whole bunch of brothers and sisters and I have just one. One brother who I love very much. It makes me happy to know even though he is thousands of miles away, he's always a phone call away, just waiting to talk to his only sister. Quite a bond I'd say.

Here's to siblings...or in my case, sibling.

P.S. GO BEARS!!

I woke up this morning to a beautiful snow. Of course the photographer in me said this would make a great photo. Especially before we all go out and mess it all up! So I put on my winter gear and headed out to my backyard before anyone else was up and took some photos. It's nice to finally look out to see some white this time of year...now that I've got my picture, I'll wake everyone up and build a big ol' fort!

Happy snow day!

Well, I am officially 36. Yes, it was my birthday today and to tell you the truth I completely forgot about it until my son came running out of the bathroom yelling "happy birthday mom!" I was still groggy, making my bh's coffee and it didn't hit me right away. Oh yeah, I thought, it is my birthday. Another year older. Can I really be in my late 30's? I never thought it would happen. And here it is. My dad calls me every year on this day and asks "so do you feel any older?" this morning I would have politely said yes. But after I shrugged off the morning stiffness, 36 didn't seem so bad.

So I packed up my bh for his day of work and hopped in the shower, ready to hit being 36 head on. My day was good and we celebrated tonight. My youngest had to have the party hats from a year ago out so we all wore ours during the candle lighting. Being 36 is really way better than when I turned 21...for one, I will remember it (you know what I am talking about all you SDSU girls) and two, celebrating with my bh , my kids and my friends made this birthday one of the best.

Gosh, did I say I was 36? I meant 29...yeah that's it...29... :)

WooHoo!!!!!! It's blogging time for me again! So I'm wondering what I did before this whole blogging thing. I have found that without it, I find all kinds of things to write about. Now as I sit here writing I can't think of a single thing. So I will ramble and hope that I haven't lost you as my blog sisters.

I'll catch you up, one blog at a time!

A couple of weeks before Christmas I was called to take family pictures. Nothing unusual right? This family sitting impacted my life in a way I can't describe. I knew the people, never had met them but I knew one of their daughters was in my son's class. And I knew her daddy was dying of brain cancer. This family was actually on Amy Grant's 3 Wishes show a couple of years ago and they got a house Brookings so they could take care of him. Well, they decided to move to Yankton last year to be closer to their entire extended family. I knew why they wanted to have pictures taken. I knew this would be his last Christmas and I was prepared for it.

I thought I was. When I got to their country home, everyone was so happy. All the kids were running around playing and the parents were sitting at a table playing cards. They had a space cleared away in front of the fireplace for the pictures and an "aisle" to bring in Bill. I met his wife and she told me they weren't quite ready for me yet, she was giving Bill some oxygen. I was immediately saddened but just kept smiling. So we started taking pictures of the kids together, all the cousins and their individual families. I realized Bill had 5 kids, the oldest only being 14 years old. All I could think about was how strong they were. Then it was time for the entire family shot and they brought out Bill. He had to come in a harness type of machine as he could sit up by himself. He looked at me and I gave him a warm smile. I could sense he knew what was going on but couldn't communicate it. They propped him up in a chair in the middle of the group and we arranged everyone around him. His youngest daughter who was 6 years old brought out a brush and began brushing his hair. "You need to look nice for the pictures, daddy"...was her comment. How precious. So we took the pictures and I knew the importance of each shot. Then Bill's wife wanted one with him alone. As she scooted herself up to him, he slowly turned his head to look at her and he just gazed at her as that was all he could do. His eyes spoke to her and I snapped a picture of them just looking at each other. It was a very special moment. I could feel it. After the pictures were done, I drove home kind of numb at that point. But as I started to tell my bh about it, the tears just flowed. What a strong man. A strong family. There was a lot of love in that home.

The pictures were ready in a week and I hand delivered them. A couple more weeks went by and although I knew it was coming, the shock of reading his obituary in the paper on Dec. 30 made me go numb again. He was only 39 years old. I couldn't help but to pull up those pictures again and look at them. I couldn't believe how these photos would be a part of his families lives forever.

I met this man and was with him and his family for an hour. But it was an hour that changed my heart. These children have pictures of their one last Christmas with their daddy and I was so honered and so humbled to a part of that. I know God meant for me to be there, for me to experience this side of life. And so I pray for the kids. I tell my son to help his classmate, because she may need to have someone to talk to at times. Or just someone to make her laugh. Life is so precious and these people knew it. A picture is worth a thousand words and a thousand feelings. They are treasured by his children, his wife, his family. And by me, who knew him for an hour. An hour I will never regret. Thank you, God, for that.

I am running a mile a day.

Call it a new years resolution, call it crazy but hey there is money involved! This is the 3rd year the Lewis & Clark Runner's Club is putting this fundraiser on and my first year signing up for the challenge. It's pretty easy...everyone who wants to join pays $20 and either walks or runs a mile a day. At the end of the year, whoever is still in takes home the prize. Just a few weeks ago, the winner took home $1,000! Quite a Christmas bonus! You are allowed 2 mulligans to use during the year which I know I will have to use up. But for now I have begun the challenge. My dog and I run at night since that is the only time I can get out. Running in the dark is so different, so beautiful. My bh has suited me up with a cold weather gear and a light I can wear on my forehead. I'm sure cars driving up on me wonder what that little red light is bouncing up and down. So far, it's been a great situation for everyone...I'm supporting the runner's club, my dog is getting in good shape, I get to talk to God every night in the way I love to, just me and Him.

And I get to wear my own headlight...what can beat that?!